How long will you lie there, you sluggard?
When will you get up from your sleep?

A little sleep, a little slumber,
a little folding of the hands to rest-

and poverty will come on you like a bandit
and scarcity like an armed man.

Proverbs 6:9-11

One of the saddest things I hear as a marriage therapist dude is when one partner (usually the wife) tells the other (usually the husband):

It’s too late.
I can’t get it back.
I’ve wanted to go to counseling for years and you wouldn’t go.
I’m done.  It’s over.

Of course, they are both in therapy now.  One wants therapy; one doesn’t.  The one who wants it now is the one who would never go before.  Common quotes he told her over the years why he wouldn’t go?

Therapy is for sissies.
Therapy doesn’t work.
We can’t afford it.
We can solve our own problems.
I’m not telling my problems to some complete stranger.
It’s not really that bad.
There’s no way we’re spending money on that.
You just need to lighten up.

Now that she wants out he changes his tune all of a sudden and says:

I’ll change.
I finally get it.
You were right.
I can’t believe you would just give up like that.
Do you love me now?
See…look at all the things I’m doing to change.
I’m a different man.
I’m quitting drinking.  I just did the dishes.  I’m folding laundry.  I’ll come home.
I’m trying here.
I’m in such pain.
Don’t leave me.

She then replies:

You’re in pain?  What about all the pain I had all those years?
You paid no attention.
One ear and out the other.
I was invisible.
You had no compassion for me.
Now you want me to have compassion for you?
Where were you?

So what can we do about this?

If your wife says the two of you need counseling, say yes.
Don’t be lazy.
Don’t be proud.
Don’t dink around.
Don’t make excuses.
Don’t lay around flippin’ channels and tippin’ Bud.

You want misery?  You want trouble?  You want true loneliness and depression and sadness and anger and resentment and fear and worry?

Then wait.
Shuffle your feet.
Stare off into space.
Pretend you don’t have any problems.
Think the issues will all go away…

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