Dr. Wall explores the lessons learned from Steve Phillips’ recent affair and ponders the consequences of sex outside of marriage and concludes that the price is not cheap and NOT worth it.

The fear of the Lord is to hate evil.

Proverbs 8:13

I’m sorry.

I debated with myself whether or not I should refer to the recent story of Steve Phillips in a blog. I don’t really want to be known as a blogger that takes people when they are down and takes pot shots at them. But you’ve read the story and seen the news and there’s a lesson here and the lives are already destroyed.Maybe I could spare a few other lives from being destroyed by referring to Steve Phillips’ example.I’m hoping what he did would put the fear of God into you.

Cuz, ya know, sin feels good. The death penalty did not prevent people from having affairs in Moses’ day. Social mockery today doesn’t keep people from it. Losing your job, your spouse and marriage, and the respect of your kids and extended family and your peers doesn’t keep people away from it. Getting someone pregnant, or yourself pregnant, or solving the pregnancy “issue” by aborting the next generation or getting a life threatening STD or giving a life threatening SDT to your spouse or actually having your spouse die because you got the STD and gave it to her on your own because of your own selfishness, doesn’t keep people from doing it. ‘Cuz, ya know, adultery feels good. No question about it.

There’s an illustration in the classic family therapy literature, that if you kick a stone the stone will trickle down the path.If you kick a dog, the consequences are a little more muddled.The dog could scurry away or turn around and bite you.If you kick a person, you don’t know what kind of a response you’re gonna get:Kick you back?Punch you?Scratch your eyeballs out?Beat the crap out of you?Ignore you?Walk away?Tell the teacher?Tell your daddy?Tell the boss?Call the police?Sick Bruno on you (That’d be ironic:Having some dog attack you for kicking a person.Talk about messing with this illustration.)?Break your legs?Cut off your horse’s head and put it in your bed?Write a stupid blog about it?The consequences are endless.The point being, of course, that with human nature being what it is, interactions aren’t predictable.

But they are.

If you’ve seen 100’s of affair cases, you can predict the kind of things that people will do in response to that act. At least within a range.

It’s enough to put the fear of God into me. I need all the help I can get. Sin is fun, remember? Did you forget that? At least for a moment or two. Max. Then the bell curve drops off the cliff into the abyss and (YIKES!) you enter “Chaos Land!” (For a previous blog on Chaos click here.)

So, with this blog, I do hereby declare that this kind of craziness will be called:

The Steve Phillips Principal.

If you want to ruin you life, follow Steve Phillips example. The Principle is as follows:

You can’t have sex for nothing.

Hugh Hefner’s been telling us since the 1950’s that you can have sex for nothing.You’d think by now after millions of divorces and cohabiting breakups and children born out of wedlock and millions of babies aborted, and millions of little girls and boys sexually abused and millions of college coeds raped and millions of sisters becoming pole dancers, drug addicts and bag ladies, millions of dead from AIDS and such and fortunes lost, and jobs lost and erections lost (NOOOOOO!!!! NOT That!!!) and reputations gone for good, and gang warfare and bulging prisons, that all of this would have convinced us by now that good ol’ Hugh, baby, was a complete idiot and the fantasy that he’s lived in is a complete joke and a lie and he is of all people most to be pitied.You’d a thought.We’ve had to pay a tremendous price for sex and it ain’t nothing.

We still think we’re invincible and can break whatever promises and it won’t be a problem.  You can have sex and it’s no big deal.  That’s only the case if we’re ONLY animals and there’s no God in Heaven.  But, dang, if people don’t have feelings and hopes and aspirations and longings and fears and worries and sex kind of plays havoc with all of that if the fire’s not kept in the fireplace.  And whoa……what if God really DOES exist.  Don’t worry about whether or not there are philosophical proofs for the existence of God.  Worry that there’s NO PROOFS FOR THE NON EXISTENCE OF GOD.  YIKES!  Remember:  You are not invincible:

I don’t know if it’s worth even trying to put the fear of God into you, but I’m hoping that maybe Steve Phillips’ example will give you pause the next time you are tempted to go against the vows you made to the wife or husband of your youth.Nothing’s worked so far, so this is a long shot.But you never know.

Here goes: The Steve Phillip Principal: You Can’t Have Sex For Nothing:

Steve Phillips was one of my favorite baseball analysts on ESPN. The 46-year old was the least obnoxious of the bunch. It’s not easy not being obnoxious, when you are a baseball announcer and critic. Kudos to him.

Apparently, Steve Phillips had a dark side.He’d had affairs before when he was General Manager of the New York Mets.The other day his proclivity for sex with women, other than his wife, once again came to our public awareness.

The police were called.

That’ll do it.Public record now.The New York Post gets a hold of it and, now we all know.

Enter fear-of-God land.

His affidavit for the police report said he had sex with this 22-year old colleague at ESPN 3 times. Sex for nothing, right? No biggie. Go Hef. She started getting demanding. It creeped him out. He told her he didn’t want to see her anymore. She said yes you do. He said no. She started acting all weird and funny (If you kick a stone…). His wife starts getting calls from her describing certain things that only a wife would know. Steve Phillips’ wife is totally creeped out and tells her husband. He admits his affair. His wife is beside herself with panic. This woman knows too much. She fears for her safety and the safety of her kids (If you kick a stone…). She comes home one day with her 7-year old son and this woman is at her house in her car. In front of Steve Phillip’s wife this woman smashes her car into the Phillip’s stone pillar before taking off (if you kick a stone….). Steve Phillip’s wife and son are totally freaking out (if you kick a stone…) and call 911. There’s note on the door from this woman. Creepy stuff. The police take it for evidence. Their older son comes home and realizes that the so-called high school classmate he’d been Facebooking for the last couple of months was not a classmate, but his dad’s affairee posing as his classmate in an effort to milk him of private information that she could use to stalk Steve Phillips and his family (If you kick a stone…). He’d unwittingly told her private stuff about his family (If you kick a stone…) and had been entirely duped. Steve Phillips’ entire family goes into protection mode and are totally freaked out and fearful to even be in their own house. His wife files for divorce. ESPN fires Steve Phillips. The police arrest his affairee and ESPN fires her, too. Steve Phillips enters sex addiction rehab. The New York Post writes an expose. Bing Wall writes a blog…

So, ah, if you were thinking of having an affair with a sharp young colleague, I suggest you get a huge dose of reality and take the long view and that you memorize the Steve Phillips’ Principal: You can’t have sex for nothing. There’s a bill to pay. But you won’t know who you will have to pay, nor will you know how much, until the bill is due, and, wouldn’t you know it, you are all out of ones?


Our thanks to Marty Wall for the cartoon drawn specifically for today’s blog.  Marty’s other cartoons can be seen here.  Check him out.

Dr. Bing Wall is a marriage therapist with a practice in Ames and Urbandale, Iowa.  To set up a time to see Dr. Wall click here or call 888-233-8473.  For more information about Dr. Wall click here.

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