Dr. Bing proposes couples sit down and plan their winter Getaway after the new year holiday rush to get through the February doldrums and to keep the marriage interesting. Alternatively, call us for an appointment now to reserve your space for marriage counseling when Cabin Fever sets in!
If you’ve read this blog even for a minute, you notice a recurring theme that I keep hammering home (and now Brandon is taking up the banner as well), that couples need to spend time ALONE together outside of the home enjoying each other’s company, developing common interests, creating memory and commaraderi to keep their friendship alive. Friendship is what brings most couples together in the first place. Lack of friendship is what drives many couples to divorce. They just don’t like each other enough to make it worth the effort.
I recommend to the couples I see they try to get away from the home front for an overnight once a quarter. That would be four times a year. The reason is simple: If you only get away once a year, say, October to look at the changing leaves along the Mississippi River (a great trip, by the way), and you are lonely in January (like now), it’s pretty hard to comfort yourself in January that you can tell yourself, well, at least we’ll be alone in October. It’s too far away.
But if you get away every quarter and it’s now January and you are feeling a little lonely and bored, but you went Christmas shopping in Minneapolis at the Mall of America in November (an idea Mary Sue and I do most years. This year we included the extended family and and stayed the Embassy Suites in Bloomington and had a mini-family reunion instead) and in February you are going to Kansas City for a romantic dinner around Valentine’s Weekend, you can tell yourself, well, at least we went to Bloomington in November and we’re going to Kansas City in February, so somehow I can get through this winter with my personhood and marriage intact.
And that would be good.
Now, let’s say you are tapped out financially and there’s no way you can get away every quarter. First, I think you should bend over backwards for that to happen. You bleed it out of your budget. But let’s say you absolutely, positively, cannot do it financially. Then, at minimum, you need to plan a Getaway in the middle of winter to get you over the hump. At minimum. So contact your in-laws to come watch the kids, get on the internet and start looking for really cool places to eat dinner in Kansas City, or Chicago or Omaha or Minneapolis and get planning your reasonably priced winter respite.
And watch the winter doldrums dissipate. All it takes to get through those gloomy days is a little fun on the horizon. If you know there’s a break, you can get through anything.
To see Dr. Bing’s blog about a little get-a-way to Cedar Falls, Iowa, click here.
To see Dr. Bing’s blog about a little get-a-way to Lanesboro, Minnesota, click here.
To see Dr. Bing’s blog about a little get-a-way to Rochester and Mantorville, Minnesota, click here.
Dr. Bing Wall is a therapist specializing in marriage and relationships and issues facing single adults with a practice in Ames and Urbandale, Iowa. To set up a time to see Dr. Wall click here or call 888-233-8473. For more information about Dr. Wall click here.