Links to Articles by Other Marriage Experts:
AFFAIRS
COHABITATION
DISTRESSED MARRIAGES
DIVORCE
HAZARDS OF PICKING A POOR THERAPIST
PARENTING
REASONS WE’RE PRO-MARRIAGE
SEXUALITY
STEPFAMILIES
AFFAIRS
Healing from Infidelity
Michele Weiner-Davis, Parade, March 18, 2001 Michele is a very entertaining speaker and writer who believes in marriage. You may also want to check our her web-site: http://www.divorcebusting.com.
Shattered Vows: Getting Beyond Betrayal.
Shirley Glass, Psychology Today/ July-August 1998. Shirley Glass is one of the leading experts in the studying the effects of affairs on marital relationships. See also her book, Not Just Friends: Rebuilding Trust and Restoring Your Sanity After Infidelity.
dearpeggy.com Peggy Vaughan’s own husband had an affair and the two of them were able to work it out. She has a great website on this issue and has numerous articles and books she’s written on the subject.
thrivingcouples.com Dr. Wall has written a number of blogs on the subject. To see the list click here. He’s also written a series of blogs on “Healing From An Affair.”
COHABITATION: A NOT VERY POLITICALLY CORRECT VIEW
Should We Live Together? What Young Adults Need to Know about Cohabitation before Marriage; A Comprehensive Review of Recent Research by David Popenoe and Barbara Dafoe Whitehead. Many young people in our society are deciding to live together instead of marrying in hopes of trying things on for size to see if they are a match. Many believe they will not experience the pain of divorce if they cohabit. However, this view is not borne out in research nor is it in our therapeutic experience. If you are in a cohabiting relationship, you MUST read this article so that you will know exactly what you are facing. If you desire to have us help you improve your cohabiting relationship, don’t worry. We aren’t going to lecture you. We seek to help couples improve their relationships regardless. Our hope is that as they improve in their relationship that they will feel more confident in taking the step toward marriage. Cohabitation creates it’s own problems. We are aware of those problems and can help couples sort those things out.
Dr. Wall has written a number of blogs on this topic. Check out his series on cohabitation here. To see his other blogs where the topic of cohabitation is covered click here.
DISTRESSED MARRIAGES
Why Should I Be the One to Change? Waiting for your spouse to change is a big waste of time. Find out why. Check out Michele Weiner-Davis’s creative approach to an age-old problem. Read her article. Then give us a call.
Should Couples Stay in an Unhappy Marriage for the Sake of the Kids? A letter to the editor published in the Chicago Tribune by Michele Weiner-Davis.
Check out how putting the kids first can ruin your marriage in these two blogs by Dr. Wall.
Famous Words Before The Divorce: My Kids Are My Number One Priority
What If Your Wife Or Husband Was Priority Number One Instead Of Your Kids?
Dr. Wall wrote a 14-Part series on Living as Roommates vs. Husband and Wife. One of the most common complaints of couples not doing well is that they are living as roommates. Dr. Wall suggests this is NOT the way to live! Check out his blogs and then give us a call
Forgiveness is a Gift You Give Yourself: If you or someone you love is having a hard time forgiving, read this. (By Michelle Weiner-Davis).
DIVORCE
Does Divorce Make People Happy? Findings from a Study of Unhappy Marriages By Linda J. Waite, Don Browning, William J. Doherty, Maggie Gallagher, Ye Luo, and Scott M. Stanley. You won’t hear these findings discussed on your average Talk Show. The study found NO evidence that unhappily married adults who divorced were typically any happier than unhappily married people who stayed married. YIKES! Maybe divorce isn’t all that great after all!
The Walkaway Wife Syndrome: Two thirds of all divorces are filed by women. Why? What can men do to prevent women making the desperate choice to leave? Why should women reconsider? This article is an eye-opener. Michele Weiner-Davis has some helpful ideas.
The Effects of Divorce on Children, from the authors of PREP. http://www.prepinc.com/main/Articles.asp
On children and divorce see also Second Chances: Men, Women and Children Ten Years After Divorce and The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce by Judith Wallerstein.
Before You Throw In The Towel (Fact Sheet On Divorce).
Check out Dr. Wall’s blog “Living As Roommates: Easy Ways to Destroy Your Marriage.”
Dr. Wall rants about the myth that divorce is a step toward happiness in “We’ll Have A Nice Divorce.”
Dr. Wall writes about the darker, unanticipated side of divorce in “Divorce Will Be Fine.”
HAZARDS OF PICKING A POOR THERAPIST!
How Therapy Can Be Hazardous To Your Marital Health CMFCE CONFERENCE, JULY 3, 1999 William J. Doherty, PhD
In this article, Dr. Doherty discusses how many therapists are not trained or prepared to work with couples. As a result, therapy can actually be a precipitating factor in causing divorce, what Dr. Doherty calls “therapist assisted marital suicide.” At Heart to Heart Communication, L.C., we specifically are trained to work with couples. We continually seek to update our understanding in the latest therapeutic interventions with couples. We are avidly PRO-MARRIAGE and make no apologies. In choosing a therapist make sure that he or she believes in marriage and will help you believe in yours!
Dr. Wall reflects on his life as a therapist in “Reflections From The Therapist’s Chair.”
Dr. Wall shares one of the most common issues faced in marital therapy: They each think it’s the other’s fault. He shares a different view in “If Only You’d Change We’d Be Fine.”
PARENTING
Gary Smalley has over 200 articles on parenting on his website. Check it out here.
Focus on the Family has over 1000 books and resources on parenting.
Dr. Wall discusses parenting in his blog “A Primer On Parenting Ground Rules”
Dr. Wall suggests we need a few more dads who are active in their children’s lives in “Wanted: More Full-Time Flesh And Blood Dads.”
REASONS WE’RE PRO-MARRIAGE!
The Case for Marriage They Don’t Want You to Hear. Review of Doubleday’s, The Case for Marriage, by Linda Waite and Maggie Gallagher which received 2000 Smart Marriages Book Award. This book created a storm because Waite and Gallagher argued that people in marriages do better overall then people who divorce or cohabit. While this isn’t a popular politically correct view, it is a bold and accurate one, a view that we hold at Heart to Heart Communication, L.C. Divorce may solve current problems being faced in the marriage, but it creates its own problems that are not foreseen by the people divorcing until it is too late. We believe the problems created by divorce almost always exceed the problems of a troubled marriage. Check out Waite and Gallagher and see why.
Response to “The Death of ‘Till Death Us Do Part’: “Marriage in the 20th Century” Frank S. Pittman, III, M.D. July, 2002. Dr Pittman, one of the most entertaining writers in the marriage education field, argues in this article that marriage is worth saving and that the idea that living together or divorcing when things get tough has been harmful to both society and the individuals involved.
The Essential Humility of Marriage by Terry D. Hargrave, PhD. Dr. Hargrave suggests that when two people marry they form a 3rd entity, an us-ness or we-ness. Dr. Hargrave writes: “Marriage is a relational “us-ness” that is formed through the union of two people and kept alive by their loving and trustworthy actions. The purpose of forming this relational “us-ness” through marriage is to grow the individual spouses up–emotionally, physically, socially, and spiritually.” His unique point of view is refreshing and encouraging. Give him a try.
SEXUALITY
Sex Drives: His and Hers: Q&A about the desire gap, by Michele Weiner-Davis. Weiner-Davis has some creative ideas. She’s also written a two books on sexuality that you may want to look at. It’s discussed on her web site. Or click here or here.
Dr. Wall has written many blogs on this topic. To see the entire list click here. To see his 9-Part series on Sexual Desire click here.
STEPFAMILIES
Divided Loyalties The Challenge of Stepfamily Life, by William Doherty Stepfamilies have different rules than intact families. They feel different. We understand these differences and can help couples where one or both have been married before. For most this is uncharted territory. Unless you know where the minefields are the damages can be pretty scary. Give us a call. We can help. In the meantime check out Doherty’s article above or the Visher’s article below (experts in Stepfamily relationships)
Tips for Stepfamilies by Emily & John Visher founders of Stepfamily Association of America.
Dr. Wall has a blog titled “Flux in Step-Families.” Check it out here.
