Dr. Wall rants about the myth that divorce is a step toward happiness.
“I hate divorce,” says the LORD God of Israel
Don’t be mad at God for telling you that he hates divorce. If you’ve divorced, he doesn’t hate you. He hates that people are so cavalier about marriage that they could throw it away, that the marriage vow is no biggie. Lost that lovin’ feeling? Oh, well. Sorry. My bad. We can be friends. Don’t get me wrong. I care for you. I just don’t love you. Then, boom. It’s over. The family is destroyed as we know it.
And what have we learned?
That your vows didn’t mean squat. The sickness and health and rich or poor? Not. Didn’t mean that. No, I meant if I “feel” love for you I’ll do the sickness and poor part. But if I don’t, well, you don’t want me to be unhappy, right? You deserve to have someone love you.
Ouch. God hates it when people, who made vows of fidelity and loyalty until death us do part, don’t keep their vows of fidelity and loyalty.
But he also hates the effects of divorce. You think you’ll be friends after a divorce? It’ll be different for you? Highly unlikely. Mostly, if a couple divorces, one partner wants it and one partner doesn’t. Who’s the one saying we can divorce and be friends? The one that wants it! You are not likely to want to be friends with anyone in the universe, let alone the world, or your state or county or your home who takes away your kids half or more of the time! Are you kidding? Or someone that takes away half your retirement. Or your cars or belongings or pictures and makes an arrangement that you both give all of your hard earned savings and your hard labor for years and years to come to lawyers. Or someone who scoffs at your memory and makes it evident by non-verbal and not so non-verbal means that you have a debilitating mental illness or are some sort of ‘holic or a cheater or an abuser or a whatever and turns the fruit of your loins against you like, like, like,….I can’t even think of an illustration,… like a man and woman who divorce.
You’re divorced, man. That’s the whole point. If you could be buds than maybe you should be, ah,….married?
How are you supposed to be friends with someone who took your heart out and threw it on the ground and stomped on it, and then wipes his or her mouth and says he or she’s done nothing wrong?
I just want to be happy.
Happy? Life is about you being happy? Divorce is gonna make you happy? Ask your kids if they are happy. Ask them 10 years later. Twenty years later. Ask them if it helped them keep their vows to their spouses. Ask them if it helped them face the daunting challenges of the day. Ask them if they were ever able to trust anyone ever again. Ask them if they struggled with self-worth, anxiety, depression, perseverance, self-control. Ask them. I dare you. Kids learn by what we do, not what we say. And what have you done? Dumped their mother in heap. Threw their dad aside. Can’t work things out? Sorry. I’m done. I’m done. I’m done. I’m done. Cook til the next generation. Repeat.
You left your family. You left your vows. You left your commitments and responsibilities to search the greener pastures.
And in your wake you’ve left broken kids, a broken spouse, broken promises, broken dreams. You, the Great I AM. I’m my own idol now. Enough of sacrifice. Enough of giving already. I’ve given enough. I get nothing in return. I…I…I…Mirror, mirror on the wall….I bow down to thee….
God hates divorce. So do your kids. So does your spouse. So will you…eventually. Here’s strange irony. What if you divorced your spouse and then bedded somebody else and eventually married them (Or not. Why marry? All that hassle with divorce and all. And I made such a mistake the first time. No, I’ll just live together to see if THIS time it’s the right one.) and then he or she falls out of love with you later and DUMPS YOU!!!! HA! What a deal! I bet you won’t be friends with your X? He or she just wanted to be happy, right?
Dr. Bing Wall is a marriage therapist with a practice in Ames and Urbandale, Iowa. To set up a time to see Dr. Wall click here or call 888-233-8473. For more information about Dr. Wall click here.
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