Thriving Couples Blog

Counseling individuals, families and couples in the Des Moines and Ames area -

Call today 888-233-4334

Ames Counseling Office            Des Moines Counseling Office

You Want a Great Marriage?  Be a Great Person YOURSELF!

Here’s a good rule of thumb about marriage: Your marriage can only be as strong as the people in it. 

If you want your marriage to be a great one, you’d do well to be a person of integrity, serve with a generous spirit,  take care of yourself, use your time wisely, humble yourself before God and not fraternize with the devil.

But, alas, we are a people of stubborn hearts, glorifying in selfishness and getting our needs met in whatever form or fashion and then thinking that, even though we are married, we can do whatever we want and quit being such a control freak and how come you won’t meet my needs when I keep telling you what they are.

You’d also do well to be the one setting the bar high, setting an example of living a dignified life.  Too many folk are more worried about their partners’ lack of character than in their own.  You want your marriage to rise to the occasion?  Then you be a person who rises to the occasion and set a great example for your spouse to follow.

For most people I see it’s the complete opposite of the Golden Rule (treat others the way you want to be treated): If you treat me like crap, I’m going to treat you worse.  What?  Doesn’t anyone read the Bible any more?  You get your example for living from VHI reality shows?  AHHHH!

Let’s see how fast we can destroy our marriages:

-You won’t put the dishes away?  Alright, I won’t either.  And I won’t fold the clothes.  I’ll show you.

-You won’t initiate sex?  I won’t either.  Or touch you.  I’m going to put all the responsibility on you and then I’m going to blame you and then I’m going to tear you apart in my heart about how cold you are, all the time not even being aware for a moment that my attitude here might just suck a tad.

-You won’t talk to me?  I’m going to scold you for not talking to me.  I’ll rip you up one side and the other for not talking about your FEEEEEEEELings.  You are so cold.  You are just like your father.  I don’t want to be married to your father.  Our marriage is just like your mom and dads.  How come you never talk to me?  Don’t you love me?  You just sit there.  This marriage is so boring.  You think I’m going to stay if you never talk to me?  I deserve better.

-You won’t talk to me?  HA!  I can beat you at that game!  Watch me not talk to you!  Ever.  I’m the king of rudeness.  What a fun game we’ll play!  Who can be the most indifferent?  I can match anyone on snottiness.  I learned it in 7th grade!

-You spend money without telling me?  You’ve just given me a reason to keep secrets from you.  It’ll be your fault.  You started it.

-You aren’t going to come home on time?  I won’t talk to you when you get home!  HA!  I’ll teach you to NOT want to come home by treating you like crap when you get here.  I’ll show you.  Our marriage will really improve then!

-You’re going to walk right by me at the end of the day and not say hi?  Let me show you how rude I can be!  Of course, I’ll blame you for walking right on by me.  See how this works?  All our problems are your fault and I have no responsibility!  It’s nice being impervious to blame!  This is a win-win for me.

Stop it!

Let’s start over.

If you want your marriage to be a great one, you’d do well to be a person of integrity, serve with a generous spirit, to take care of yourself, use your time wisely, humble yourself before God and not fraternize with the devil.

You have control over that.

Tempt your spouse to follow your GOOD example.

_____

Dr. Bing Wall is a therapist specializing in marriage and relationships and issues facing single adults with a practice in Ames and Urbandale, Iowa.  To set up a time to see Dr. Wall click here or call 888-233-8473.  For more information about Dr. Wall click here.

Need Individual Or Couples Counseling? Call 888-233-4334 or email inquiry@thrivingcouples.com

To schedule an appointment with Dr. Bing in Ames, Iowa click here

To schedule an appointment with Dr. Bing in Des Moines click here